• If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried
• Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing
• In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamphlet look so calm?
• I can't wait to see how you look when I'm naked
• Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights do make a left
• 3 words to ruin a guys ego. is it in??
• You can better lose a lover than love a loser
• I'm only crazy when other people cant stand that I'm right
• Women/Men are like public toilets, they are either taken or full of shit
• Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one
• Work harder: People on welfare depend on you
• Me breaking the rules? No. I test their elasticity
• Be back later...my dog ate my car keys....we are hitchhiking to the vet's office
• We came, we saw, we drank beer
• Geniuses are never understood in their own lifetimes
• You can trust the government, just ask the Indians
• Be nice to your children. For they will be choosing your nursing home someday
• Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer
• Save water, drink beer
• Everybody makes mistakes, that's why they put erasers on pencils

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